Why can't you see?
by Icefeather99
Summary: Romano has hopelessly fallen for his former boss, but unfortunately Spain doesn't seem to like him back.. Spamano, may be triggering. If you're depressed and/or suicidal, DON'T READ. Please.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: **One-sided (or is it..? xD) Spamano, boyxboy, suicidal thoughts.. Don't read if you're too depressed.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters, or the anime Hetalia.

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For so long, Romano has had these feelings. These feelings that he absolutely hates, and never would tell anyone about. No one, not even his brother, was to know about them. He didn't _want_ to be in love with that bastard. So why did he have to? But of course, it wasn't on purpose. If he could, he would choose not to have them. But that's not possible. Love is a difficult emotion, no? Especially when you're in love with a carefree, stupid, non-atmosphere reading tomato-loving bastard. Yeah. Especially then.

Only a few minutes ago, the said tomato bastard, also known as Spain, had left Romano to go on a date. Like usual, Romano had hidden his own emotions and pretended not to care. So Spain had left, thinking Romano would be fine.

He was far from fine.

While Spain was gone, Romano was sitting on the couch, staring at the ground. Tears were dwelling out from this beautiful hazel eyes and his brain was full of depressing thoughts that he just couldn't get out of his head. _'Am I not enough? Why can't Spain be with me? Am I annoying to him? .. Does he hate me?'_, were the most popular thoughts. His heart hurt like hell and it became hard to breath. Soon enough, his jeans had become wet from all the tears and his head started hurting too, from the endless crying. His thoughts were not leaving him. Actually, they got even worse. They got from sad to very, very depressing. _'Why can't I be enough? Again, I'm useless.. Again, I'm the second choice... And again, I'm being abandoned.. Spain doesn't want me... I'm really just a pain in the ass to him, nothing else. I'm too annoying. He doesn't love me. He hates me...'_

Thoughts about suicide started developing in his mind. Thoughts that, if no one wants him, he could just take his own life. Then, all this pain would disappear. Then, he would be happy. For the first time. That would be so great...

The night continued, and Romano found himself with new cuts at his arms. Cuts that were made by none else than himself. 'I deserve this' was the thought he'd had in his mind as he had been holding the razor, drawing it to his skin, and while watching the blood pour out. No cut was deep enough to place any danger to his life. But surely some of them would turn into scars. Honestly, he didn't care. He wouldn't be alive when they would turn into scars anyway.

After that, he took a quick shower and went to sleep.

That morning, Spain returned from his date. It was obvious what they had done during the night, and once again Romano hid his own emotions, just like he always did. Spain noticed nothing and didn't bother to ask why Romano was wearing a long-sleeved hoodie.

About two months later, Spain presented his new wife to Romano. It was not a happy meeting, and it ended up with Romano running and locking himself up in his room. Spain had come to knock on his door and beg to get in, but left Romano alone when he refused to open. It was during that night, that Romano disappeared. Spain called the cops, and it even made it to the News. Everyone, even England, Spain's rival, helped and searched for Romano. But in the end, he was not found and people started believing he was dead.

Spain got heartbroken, of course. But he still kept his wife with him. She was the only one left for him. But even now, Spain is still searching for his beloved tomatito. Even if he's the only one left with hope. 'Romano HAS to live.'

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**Authors note: **Thank you everyone for reading my first fanfiction! It's really short, I knoow, but I didn't really feel like continuing it and writing more. I can make much better stories, but I didn't really have the time. :3 Sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes, English is not my first language.

Soo.. Do you people want another chapter? Do you want Romano to live, or should I just stop here? It's your choice~


	2. Chapter 2

One year later

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Staring at absolutely nothing, Spain laid on the cold floor. His eyes were red from crying, and he had lost count of how many hours he had spent there; just laying down. Doing nothing but cry. He had no appetite and wouldn't eat, he did not even have the energy to move. So he remained there, sprawled over the floor. His heart was broken, and there was really no one who could fix it. No one, except one certain person. But that one person had been gone in almost two years now. He had disappeared and was nowhere to be found.

_'Mi Romanito.. I'm so sorry for everything...'_, he thought,_ 'For whatever I did wrong, I'm so sorry! Lo siento, mi dispiace! Please come back to me...'_ He knew there was no way Romano would come back, and if he was alive, he was 99% sure he wouldn't be forgiven anyway. But he still hoped. Yeah, that's the reason he's still here - on earth. Because of hope. If he hoped, his dreams will become true? That's what he kept trying to convince himself, but now he was losing all hope.

Why? Because he was the only one still searching for Romano. Because in the two years, he had made no progress at all in finding him. Sure, he had heard that people had seen someone who looked like Romano, but there's a high chance it was just his brother, Veneziano. Or just someone who looked like them but was really just a random citizen. With no proof at all that Romano is still alive, he was losing his hope. And after what happened yesterday, he had no one left to reassure him that he will find Roma. He had no one to try to cheer him up. No one to care about him. No one...

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-The day before-

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"I'm so fucking sick of this! Sick of you! Just accept that you won't find Romano! Move on! Be the man I loved instead!", Spain's wife screamed, "Stop trying already! You won't find him and you know it! He got so sick of you that he left, anyone could see that he **HATED** you! Everyone saw it! He **DOESN'T** want to be found!" Spain stared at his screaming wife with wide eyes. He was too shocked to say anything. This had never happened before.. What happened to his loving and happy wife? The one who always cheered him up when he was sad, the one who supported him and tried to help him the most when he searched for his former henchman?

"You know what? YOU KNOW WHAT?! It's over! Take your stupid ring and never speak to me again!" She angrily threw her wedding ring on the floor and glared at Spain for a moment before running out of the house, getting in her car and driving away. Paralyzed, Spain stared at the wall, not really understanding what just happened.

It took him a couple of minutes before he finally realized and he fell down on his knees, staring at the floor with tears in his eyes.

_'Why...? Why do I keep getting abandoned...?'_

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-Flashback over-

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Spain let out a sigh, realizing he can't just lay there forever. He has to do something. The question is what. He slowly got up, but found himself losing his balance and almost fell down on the floor again. He felt really dizzy and his eyesight was blurry. _'Is this normal after crying?'_ He wondered. It hadn't happened to him before, at least of what he remembered. He leaned at the wall to keep himself from falling.

He waited a few moments before he started to walk over to the kitchen. Even if he had no appetite, he was smart enough to know that he /needed/ food. He would have to simply force himself to eat. He quickly made some fast pasta with some sauce, since he was too dizzy to do anything else, and ate half the portion. Feeling even more ill after eating, he walked over to his bedroom and collapsed on the bed. Before he fell asleep, he had decided what to do.

He was visiting Italy. Romano clearly wasn't in Spain anymore, so where would he not be, if not in Italy?

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**Authors note:** You wanted more, so I'm giving you more. X3 Let me know what you think about it~ And thank you everyone for reviewing and following! I really didn't think people would actually read this, let alone like it ^^' so thank you! :D Grazie~

**Lo siento: **I'm sorry (Spanish)  
**Mi dispiace: **I'm sorry (Italian)


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the slow update, I'm really busy with school and cosplaying. . Anyway, another chapter! A short one though, sorry ^^'**

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Two days passed by, and Spain is currently on a plane on his way to Italy. Romano just had to be there. He couldn't be without him anymore. It had been way too long since they had met. Every day he had thought about him, slowly losing his ability to smile. But now. Now he was finally making progress in his search.

Spain had suspected that Romano probably had left his country for a while now, but since his wife had a job there and wouldn't let him leave without her, he hadn't been able to search in Italy yet. It felt so good to finally make some progress. Bored and restless, he sat in the plane. If you know Spain, you would probably think he would be chatting with the one next to him all the time, being his cheery self. But no. It was different now. He thought and thought about Romano way too much to even hear if the one sitting next to him said something.

After 2 hours and around 40 minutes of sitting stressed in the plane, Spain finally got out from the most boring flight ever. He had taken a plane from Madrid, to the city that he was 90% sure that Romano would be in, if he was alive and in Italy. Any guesses where? Hm? ... Yes. To Rome. Now that we was in Italy, he had to start searching.

He took a taxi from the AirPort, telling the chauffeur to drive him to the city. When he got there, he looked around and realized this would be too difficult. How the hell was he supposed to find Romano in a big country, with no clue at all where he could be? He should have thought this through. Damn him for acting on impulse. Already feeling so lost, he started walking in a random direction, having some problems while walking since there were so many people in the way, without stopping.

As he walked through the city of Rome, he couldn't stop thinking. 'Does Roma hate me? What will happen if I find him? Will he tell me to never speak to him again, or will he be happy to meet me? Will he be alone, or does he maybe have a girlfriend now? How will he react? ... Will he forgive me? I don't get what I did, but please... He must forgive me...' The thoughts went on and on, and he lost track of time. It got darker and darker, but it was still not really late.

By the time he stopped walking, he had come to a park. The grass was beautiful; much greener than any grass he had seen before. There were few benches placed every here and there, and in the middle of all, there was a playground for children. He chuckled as he thought about how fun it must be to play there for children.

He decided to sit down on a bench, and started walking closer to one. But that's when he heard it. A very familiar laugh. Even though it had been years since he had heard it, he could never forget that laugh nor the voice. He slowly turned around, feeling both terrified and overwhelmed.

And there he was.

Romano Vargas, his tomatito, sitting on a bench, holding hands with a beautiful woman.


End file.
